Part 1 of this article, dealing with younger children, can be found here.
Older elementary school and high school students may also benefit from engaging with others as they work to reassure themselves. Finding answers on the internet can present its own complications; there is of course a considerable amount of misinformation online, and even trustworthy material may not always be age-appropriate. Encourage discussion about what the child has found, and talk with a nurse or other healthcare professional for further help.
Has one of the child’s classmates had surgery? Even if it wasn’t the same kind, engaging with a peer (whether through conversation or texting) about what the experience was like can be enlightening.
Teenagers, not surprisingly, have their own set of concerns, many of which revolve around how they look. The clothes they wear, their haircut, their makeup – these can be very real priorities, and any changes to their appearance may be thought of as potentially devastating. Fortunately, many of the surgeries we perform result in only a small scar that, depending on the location, may not even be visible; others can fade over time.
Physical activity, including gym class, can often be resumed within a couple of weeks of a minor procedure; a major surgery of course involves a longer recovery time. Again, a child life specialist can help address any affiliated uncertainties.
Teenagers also want to be considered adults; as such, we encourage them to be present when their caregivers sign the surgery consent form. This makes them feel more involved, allays fears and instills confidence in the entire process. This brings up another important consideration: trust. Especially with older children and teenagers, there must be no whispering behind doors or asking to speak with the doctor in another room, which most of the time is not necessary. If there is a lack of trust, the entire process can needlessly be made much more difficult.
On a happier note, today’s teens (and, for that matter, adults) have the technology to share their good news. Putting out a YouTube video or TikTok to let everyone know that things went well can make the child feel better, and have a lasting effect on peers if and when they need surgery. (One caveat: do not show your scar!) They may even ask for a bestie to give them a ride home afterwards.
The caregiver should also be prepared to listen to the child – of any age – after they return home. What was it like? Who did they meet? What do they still not entirely understand about the experience? Letting them take the lead here – your primary role is to listen – can help everyone feel better.
We also urge caregivers to take care of themselves during what can be a nerve-racking time for all involved. Maintain good sleep habits, discuss with your partner any concerns they may have, perhaps talk with friends or other family members about what you and your child are going through.
Maintaining good health habits is always important – for everyone.
Dr. Dominique M. Jan is Professor of Surgery at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Division chief of Pediatric Surgery at Montefiore - Einstein Children Hospital (CHAM) and a pediatric surgeon at White Plains Hospital’s Pediatric Specialty Center in White Plains.
Dr. Steven Borenstein is an Associate Professor of Surgery at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Division chief of Pediatric Surgery at White Plains Hospital’s Pediatric Specialty Center in White Plains.
To make an appointment, call 914-849-5437.